Question 8. What special techniques – either counter-intuitive ones or ones that create breakthrough moments – do you suggest for coaching clients of your style? How should these be used and when is the best time to use them?

My answer: Several spring to mind! Two simple and effective techniques are the following: guided relaxation and centering breathing.

Many people of Style Nine have difficulties in getting in touch with their body; they don’t recognize where they end and the rest of the world starts. A simple relaxation exercise, in which they focus their attention on different parts of the body, one after the other, can be very helpful. It is useful to debrief them after the exercise, to check which parts they visited. In many cases, it is the first time that they have thought about the back of their knee, or their left elbow. When they don’t recall visiting certain parts, you can help them to identify whether their focus of attention went to their thoughts (which usually has something to do with focusing outside themselves) or whether they simply dozed off (which is the classical metaphor of Style Nine being asleep to themselves.)

The second technique is helpful when they face a difficult decision or have something important to say to someone with whom they feel themselves to be in conflict. First, help them to breathe deeply to their Belly Center and to bring the focus of their attention there. Once their attention is there, remind them of the decision or the situation and ask them to say the first thing that comes to their mind. It is invariably a key sentence that helps them to decide or to communicate clearly with the other person. In addition, it is invariably a surprising and deep moment for  them!

If you’d like to see the other eight answers to this question, head over to the Enneagram Learning Portal. If you’d like to share your answer to the question, or discuss my answer, please leave a comment or trackback.

Question 3: What do clients of your style most need from their developers – managers, mentors, or coaches – why do they need it, and what do coaches need to do to demonstrate this to clients of your style?

My answer: We benefit most when we receive gentle clarity. Since Style Nines don’t respond well to in-your-faceness, a nudge is more effective than a shove or a threat. Clarity helps, as we often lose sight of our goals in an ennui of priority, due to our external focus.

As a developer, you need to make sure that we have actively agreed to our goals: silence does not mean assent! It’s sometimes difficult for us to articulate what we want. If this is happening, just ask us what we don’t want. A client of mine took part in an Open Space meeting; one breakout session was run by a manager of Style Nine, who needed to define an interface for working with their supplier. For almost 30 minutes he wrapped the group in a fog of saga. As I walked by, my client asked me what he could do: I suggested he ask what the manager didn’t want in the solution. Within 90 seconds they had a complete “negative” list, which they could flip to reach the desired solution.

Even when we have agreed to goals, it’s helpful to remind us of them from time-to-time, for they will disappear from view, lost in a whirl of ideas, sensations, requests, conversations, where was I’s?

Which brings up a second facet of clarity: communicate clearly with us. Short, declarative sentences are good. It models a style other than our saga-based natural style. Keep your own focus, so that we don’t lose you in the fog of saga. And point this out to us, by commenting on the style of communication in the conversation. You can even turn it into a game and ask us to notice ourselves, when we are drifting towards sagadom.

If you’d like to see the other eight answers to this question, head over to the Enneagram Learning Portal. If you’d like to share your answer to the question, or discuss my answer, please leave a comment or trackback.